Question
by Mysite Fantastica
Assalamu Alaikum my dear brother
Can you please provide me with the answer to this question?
I am a bachelor Muslim man who loves Allah Ta’ala and Islam and I love to practice what our beloved Prophet (saw) brought. I live in an environment devoid of the Deen and morals. Islam is only a name or a symbol here to identify us. The schools teach a curriculum which is hostile to Islam.
My question is: I do not want to get married because I know that I will not be able to have my children adhere to the Deen; adhering to the Deen is like holding on to a hot coal. I know that my children will be endangered by what they will be taught and I will not have the time to teach them due to my work, and I know that my wife will be forced by the circumstances to work too.
In brief: there are hadeeths that define marriage as half of the Deen; I actually read them. There is another hadeeth that in its meaning, says that the single men are the immoral people of the Ummah. Is it true that if I do not get married I will not complete my Deen?
I hope that I receive an answer from you.
Question
by Абдуллах Ахъяров
Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah Wa Barakaatuhu, may Allah protect you and allow you enter Jannah.
I have two questions:
1- I want to get married. When I seek a sister and approach her guardian to ask permission to meet the sister, the conservative father who does not know me personally gives me the permission to meet his daughter in a public park or cafe. Isn’t it better for the meeting to take place in their house?
More so because the sister may be hesitant to accept the proposal as she may not feel the seriousness of the matter if it takes place in a public park or cafe, causing many sisters to refuse the proposal.
2- Here in the Crimea, many brothers have the intention to get married, however many sisters refuse to marry preferring to study as a justification because they say it is sunnah to seek education.
I would like to ask that isn’t it better in the sight of Allah Ta’ala that the sisters prefer and prioritize marriage over studying in the secular institutions?
Answer
Wa Alaikum us Salaam Wa Rahmatullah Wa Barakaatuhu
The questions above are similar; they are both regarding marriage and its related issues. This is why my answer will address them both. I ask Allah to guide them to the best of their affairs.
1. Allah (swt) created man. One of the signs of Allah that He created both male and female and created love and mercy between them through marriage according the Shariah laws. Allah (swt) said,
((وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ))
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought” [Ar-Rum: 21]
2. Islam encourages marriage, it is more modest for the gaze and safer for the private part and tranquil to the soul, and guards the Deen. Al Bukhari extracted from Abdullah (ra) he said: we were with the Prophet (saw) who said: «مَنِ اسْتَطَاعَ البَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ، فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ، وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ، وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ، فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ» “O young people! Whoever among you can support a wife should marry, for that is more modest for the gaze and safer for your private parts, the one who cannot, let him fast for it is a protection for him.”
Al Hakim in Al-Mustadrak extracted from Anas Bin Malik (ra) that the Messenger of Allah (saw) said: «مَنْ رَزَقَهُ اللَّهُ امْرَأَةً صَالِحَةً، فَقَدْ أَعَانَهُ عَلَى شَطْرِ دِينِهِ، فَلْيَتَّقِ اللَّهَ فِي الشَّطْرِ الثَّانِي» “If Allah grants a Muslim a righteous wife, this helps him preserve half of his religion (faith). He should, therefore, fear Allah as regards the other half.”
Al Hakim said that this hadeeth is Sahih (valid) in transmission, and Az-Zahabi agreed.
3. The one who is seeks to marry in order to protect himself is one of the three who Allah helps. Ahmad narrated in his Musnad from Abu Hurairah from the Prophet (saw) said:
«ثَلَاثَةٌ كُلُّهُمْ حَقٌّ عَلَى اللهِ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ: عَوْنُهُ الْمُجَاهِدُ فِي سَبِيلِ اللهِ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ، وَالنَّاكِحُ لِيَسْتَعْفِفَ، وَالْمُكَاتَبُ يُرِيدُ الْأَدَاءَ» “Three have been promised the support of Allah (swt): “Support for the Mujahid in the way of Allah (fi sabeel Allah), the one seeking to protect himself by marriage, and the one who is in debt and wants to repay his debts.”
4. The Prophet (saw) prohibited abstaining from marriage for the one who has the ability. An-Nasa’i extracted from Bin Jundub from the Prophet (saw): «أَنَّهُ نَهَى عَنِ التَّبَتُّلِ» “He prohibited celibacy”. (Also extracted by Ibn Majah)
5. The Prophet (saw) advised fathers when someone of good Deen and character proposes for marriage of their daughters that they should accept him.
At-Tirmithi extracted on the authority of Abu Huraira who said: «إِذَا خَطَبَ إِلَيْكُمْ مَنْ تَرْضَوْنَ دِينَهُ وَخُلُقَهُ فَزَوِّجُوهُ، إِلَّا تَفْعَلُوا تَكُنْ فِتْنَةٌ فِي الأَرْضِ، وَفَسَادٌ عَرِيضٌ» “When someone with whose Deen and Character you are satisfied asks to marry your daughter, comply with his request. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth”
Ibn Majah extracted it in this narration:«إِذَا أَتَاكُمْ مَنْ تَرْضَوْنَ خُلُقَهُ وَدِينَهُ فَزَوِّجُوهُ، إِلَّا تَفْعَلُوا تَكُنْ فِتْنَةٌ فِي الْأَرْضِ وَفَسَادٌ عَرِيضٌ» “When someone with whose Deen and Character you are satisfied get him married. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth.”
6. Also the Prophet (saw) advised that the righteous woman in the Deen, that protects her husband, children, and house should be chosen for marriage.
Bukhari and Muslim extracted from Abu Huraira (ra) from the Prophet (saw):«تُنْكَحُ المَرْأَةُ لِأَرْبَعٍ: لِمَالِهَا وَلِحَسَبِهَا وَجَمَالِهَا وَلِدِينِهَا، فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ، تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ» “A woman is normally sought as a wife for her wealth, beauty, nobility, or religiousness (adherence to Islam), but choose a religious woman and you will prosper.”
7. As for your statement that there is a hadeeth that says “in meaning that single men are the immoral people of the Ummah.” This hadeeth is weak and it is as follows:
Ahmad extracted in his Musnad from a man who narrated Abu Dhar who narrated a man came to the Prophet (saw) called Akkaf Bin Bishr At-Tamimi, the Prophet (saw) said to him
«يَا عَكَّافُ، هَلْ لَكَ مِنْ زَوْجَةٍ؟» قَالَ: لا... قَالَ: «إِنَّ سُنَّتَنَا النِّكَاحُ، شِرَارُكُمْ عُزَّابُكُمْ...» “O Akkaf, do you have a wife?” he said: no… He (saw) said: “Nikah (marriage) is our Sunnah, the worst among you are the bachelors..”
This hadeeth is weak in its chain of transmission due to the anonymity of the narrator to Abu Dhar and also for the confusion that occurred in the chain of transmission.
At-Tabarani extracted in his Kabeer and others from the chain, Baqiyah Bin Al Waleed, both from Mu’awiyah Bin Yahya from Sulaiman bin Musa, from Makhool, from Ghadeef Bin Al-Harith,from Atiya Bin Bisr (one of the seen letters in Arabic alphabets is dropped in the name Bisr) that Al-Mazni said: “Akkaf Bin Wada’ah Al-Hilali came to the Prophet (saw) and He (saw) mentioned it.” This Sanad is weak because of Mu’awiyah Bin Yahya As-Sadafi and Baqiyah Bin Al- Waleed is also weak.
Therefore single men are not necessarily the worst people, but the worst people can be from single men and others according to their conduct.
In conclusion, the Messenger (saw) encouraged those who are able to get married, it is best for the safeguarding of the Deen, safer for the safeguarding the private part and more modest for the gaze. Furthermore, celibacy is prohibited i.e abstaining from marriage.
As long as you (the inquirer) are able to marry, I encourage you to choose a righteous woman and exert effort to raise a righteous family and be sincere to Allah (swt) and true to the Messenger of Allah (saw). By the permission of Allah (swt) you will be able to raise your children righteously; Allah (swt) will aid the righteous.
8. As for what came in the question of the brother from Ukraine, the answer is as follows:
A) The Prophet (saw) advised the one who wants to be engaged to a woman to see her. The Prophet (saw) in what was extracted by Tirmithi from Bakr Bin Abdullah Al-Muzni, from Al-Mugheera Bin Sha’ba, that he was engaged to a woman and the Prophet (saw) said: «انْظُرْ إِلَيْهَا، فَإِنَّهُ أَحْرَى أَنْ يُؤْدَمَ بَيْنَكُمَا» “Go and look at her (the woman you are considering marrying) because this will help your time together to be Strengthened.”
In Al-Bab from Muhammad Bin Maslamah, Jabir Abu Hummaid, Abu Huraira and Anas: “This is a Hasan Hadeeth, it was also extracted by Al Hakim and said ‘it is Sahih (valid)’ based on the conditions of the two Sheikhs, Az-Zahabi agreed.
The one who wants to propose can visit the family and to see the parts of the woman which are allowed to be seen, hands and face, but he is not allowed to be in seclusion with her (khulwa) or to go out alone with her, because he is a stranger to her. This is why I was surprised by the question because you preferred to meet her in her house and the family wanted you both to go out together and see her. As if there was confusion in the question.
B) Regarding the question: Whether the woman’s completion of her University education takes priority over marriage when a man of satisfactory Deen and Character proposes.
The truth is what is mentioned in the Hadeeth of the Prophet (saw) that is extracted by At-Tirmithi from Abu Huraira who said: the Prophet of Allah (saw) said:
«إِذَا خَطَبَ إِلَيْكُمْ مَنْ تَرْضَوْنَ دِينَهُ وَخُلُقَهُ فَزَوِّجُوهُ، إِلَّا تَفْعَلُوا تَكُنْ فِتْنَةٌ فِي الأَرْضِ، وَفَسَادٌ عَرِيضٌ» “When someone with whose Deen and Character you are satisfied asks to marry your daughter, comply with his request. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth”
Ibn Majah extracted it in this version: «إِذَا أَتَاكُمْ مَنْ تَرْضَوْنَ خُلُقَهُ وَدِينَهُ فَزَوِّجُوهُ، إِلَّا تَفْعَلُوا تَكُنْ فِتْنَةٌ فِي الْأَرْضِ وَفَسَادٌ عَرِيضٌ» “When someone with whose Deen and Character you are satisfied get him married. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth.”
What is clear from the Qareena (indication) the definite prohibition of the woman’s guardians to reject the proposal of a man with no issues in his Deen and Character, it is not just the prayer or fasting that are taken into account but also his treatment to people and his good conduct and commitment in all matters to the rules of Shariah. If the family ask about a man and his treatment to others and finds its according to the Shariah rules and his Deen and character proved satisfactory by the permission of Allah; It is prohibited for the guardians to reject him and prevent the marriage of the daughter to him with the excuse that the daughter must complete her University education. They must accept and not stop the marriage, this is safer and best for the Deen by the Permission of Allah.
In conclusion, I encourage every able man to get married and to choose a righteous woman; she is the Hasana (good) of the Dunya as what came in Umdat Al Qari’ Sharh Sahih Al Bukhari from Ali (ra): “الْحَسَنَة فِي الدُّنْيَا الْمَرْأَة الصَّالِحَة، وَفِي الْآخِرَة الْجنَّة” “That the Hasana of the Dunya is the righteous woman and in the Akhira it is Jannah”. As what came in the noble verse:
((رَبَّنَا آتِنَا فِي الدُّنْيَا حَسَنَةً وَفِي الْآخِرَةِ حَسَنَةً وَقِنَا عَذَابَ النَّارِ))
“Our Lord, give us in this world [that which is] good and in the Hereafter [that which is] good and protect us from the punishment of the Fire.” [Al –Baqara: 201]
Your Brother
Ata Bin Khalil Abu Al-Rashtah
The link to the answer from the Ameer’s Facebook page:
https://www.facebook.com/Ata.abualrashtah/photos/a.154439224724163.1073741827.154433208058098/267518210082930/?type=1
